2012

I spend hours a day on the internet looking for inspiration. Something to make me want to do the things I love to do.

"You have a creative mind and lifestyle. Don't forget that...don't let it rot away with 'entertainment' and 'rest.' Use it, work it. True inspiration comes from inside, anyway. Put your pen to the paper and let it go. Put your eyes to the words and breathe it in. Put your needle to the fabric and pull it out. There's so much energy in us."

My Love Goes Free

Sometimes I want to get lost in the past. I feel myself slipping away into memories and reminicsenses.

I miss so many things right now. My present life is wonderful, full, richly blessed, and gives me no reason to duck out for a moment. But I do, sometimes.

I miss haybale jumping, guitar playing, dreaming, planning, wishing, laughing, discussing (sometimes fighting), dancing, drinking tea, watching deep movies, watching silly movies (laughing histerically at the turtle dancing in Little Mermaid), late nights spent talking about life, or watching meteor showers.

I miss eye conversations, and the ocean of feelings that lay so much deeper than what we felt on the top.

We were to go live in tents, traveling around the world, sharing Jesus with people. And that's happened, for sure, just differently than we all expected.

Sweet, sweet days full of nature, community, dreams, music, freedom, and love. Comradery. I will always cherish those precious years.

"I believe in the future.
I may live in my car,
My radio tuned to
The voice of a star.
Song dogs barking at the break of dawn
Lightning pushes the edge of a thunderstorm
And these old hopes and fears
Still at my side."

-Paul Simon

Realization at 1:00am

Surrendering: the act of releasing something into the hands of the person who will inevitably win it over in the end.

Giving up: deciding it's not worth it.

Sometimes feeling like your life is a movie isn't all that great.

If there's one thing I'm thankful for, it's that there are very few places in this world I could go that don't have birds.

"In a world which contains the present moment," said Neville, "why discriminate? Nothing should be named lest by so doing we change it. Let it exist, this bank, this beauty, and I, for one instant, steeped in pleasure. The sun is hot. I see the river. I see trees specked and burnt in the autumn sunlight. Boats float past, through the red, thrrough the green. Far away a bell tolls, but not for death. There are bells that ring for life. A leaf falls, from joy. Oh, I am in love with life!"

[The Waves, Virginia Woolf]

For me, rebirth and new life comes with the Fall.

[She was my muse, you could say. Now she's my memory.]