Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Faith is the process of unlearning your irrational fears

How do we, as humans, find happiness? I understand that as Christians, joy comes from the Lord. But we still live life. Do we find happiness in being busy or social? Or is that because we've unlearned how to sit still?

I guess I'm just confused about life and living in general right now. I'm having that panic attack about having never felt true happiness before...sometimes I still feel broken. Sometimes I really just want to cry and drink coffee - like right now.

But what I really want is to be done with this world. What I really want is to see my mom and dad stop hurting, for my siblings to stop lying and cheating themselves, and to be forever in a place where complexes don't exist. What I really want is to be home.

"42, please. 42."...."last call for 42."

I hate days like this so much...I can't wait for winter and winter clothes and cold days. And long nights and movies. Except I might be in Africa! Haha, I hadn't even thought of that. I'd take Africa over Christmas any day. A year of summer...hm.

"Though I sit here in darkness, the Lord, the Lord alone, He will be my light."