Faith is the process of unlearning your irrational fears

How do we, as humans, find happiness? I understand that as Christians, joy comes from the Lord. But we still live life. Do we find happiness in being busy or social? Or is that because we've unlearned how to sit still?

I guess I'm just confused about life and living in general right now. I'm having that panic attack about having never felt true happiness before...sometimes I still feel broken. Sometimes I really just want to cry and drink coffee - like right now.

But what I really want is to be done with this world. What I really want is to see my mom and dad stop hurting, for my siblings to stop lying and cheating themselves, and to be forever in a place where complexes don't exist. What I really want is to be home.

"42, please. 42."...."last call for 42."

I hate days like this so much...I can't wait for winter and winter clothes and cold days. And long nights and movies. Except I might be in Africa! Haha, I hadn't even thought of that. I'd take Africa over Christmas any day. A year of summer...hm.

"Though I sit here in darkness, the Lord, the Lord alone, He will be my light."

Summer!

Is so close! I'm very excited for it.

I have those bittersweet feelings about graduating highschool, leaving my school, my job, and my church, but I know that I have so much more to explore.

I plan on spending the first half of my summer making things and reading. Oh, and playing my cello :).

I can't wait to have time to sew clothes, read a book a day, and go on forever walks to yellow fields.

I only have half a summer, because I'm doing a discipleship program the second half. But that only adds to my excitement!

Ahh, 8 days of highschool left. I just got really excited about it today, I hadn't really been thinking about it.

On another note, I bought my first real kitchen appliance the other day - a skillet. It's blue and I love it!

Anyways, I'm done with my random outbursts of excitement.

P.S. I'm thinking of getting my bangs cut like Alison Sudol's. Who knows?